Here we are in the midst of Lent and the days pass, and the mundane carries on. Yet, I'm feeling drawn to something more. Did you choose things to work on during this season of Lent? I wanted to work on my blog a bit, and refresh and renew it. Alas, there isn't much that I can share in the way of exciting and new. All those things of the day-to-day pull at my apron strings, begging for my attention. It seems that no matter what my desire to inspire might be, the toll of this time right now draws me to all the things that are not what I'd like to be doing. The soldiering on, the tackling of the task list, the bringing up of little demanding souls, the paper work of life.
Mother Teresa often talks of doing small things with great love. I try. I try hard. Sometimes I find myself with a preference to live in Instagram-World, where everything is beautiful and lovely all the time, but that's not really the truth. I have to remind myself of that often. Everything perfectly curated takes its toll on hearts as well. Truth is more relatable when it comes with a little dust and grime, don't you think? There are some beautiful women that I've been following on Instagram and Facebook, who I've become friends with through their joys and struggles. The authenticity of how we share with one another is how we'll get through our life successfully, don't you think? When we're open to sharing that darkside of this beautiful life, in all it's dust, in all the dirty dishes, and the laundry that sits unfolded, and in the struggle to parent without losing our marbles completely. Doing the small things with love....The folding of the laundry and piling it on the ends of beds so that the clothes are there to be worn when the weary, sleepy eyes open in the morning demanding our attention to yet a new day of growth. Will we ever get it perfectly right? It's a journey that we have to keep training for. Let's uphold one another.
My goal for Lent might seem silly to you. I have a few. Or had a few. I'm a work in progress, so the tasks I chose are as well. Goal #1 was to keep the dining room table cleared off so that we could eat together more easily. The struggle is real, folks. I don't have a desk/office/work space, so my work sits on the table in organized piles. It would require shopping for organizing items to remove it from the table, which would mean shopping (which I loath) and spending money which I don't have on something that ultimately seemed to come down to an insurmountable mountain. I know that that is a lie, and that it really is something that I can still accomplish. I just need to be more creative about it. At least the lego's are no longer acting as a centerpiece, so we've made progress!
The other task I chose is much more intense and personal. And even though I've worked at it, it is sitting quietly waiting for my attention. This is hugely personal, my friends. My second goal was to put aside my embarrassment and hurt and try to accomplish healing through completing the tasks for my Annulment. The Catholic Church requires much reflection and explanation of very deep and personal information. I know now why some choose to avoid it, or skip it altogether. It is a huge process of gathering the messiness of your life together in a single place for others to review. Why am I sharing this? I'm not sure really, except that perhaps I can encourage someone else who's struggled with avoidance of this issue to soldier on, and seek healing through the process. I know that once it is complete I can theoretically move on from this place within myself and enjoy the freedom that can come with answers and insight from an outside, and removed-from-the-situation source.
One way or another, I know that this Lent will accomplish much even if it is just pushing me outside of my comfort zones. Growth is good. In the spirit of doing small things with great love, both accomplishing tackling my mountain of paperwork for the enjoyment of eating together as a family, and the completion of Annulment paperwork for renewing a sense of peace and self understanding...well these are acts of love in that they are acts that will bring renewal in one way or another to my family.
Prayers for my readers this Lenten season.