Quite possibly, I may be the worst blogger ever. You may agree with me. It's ok, I'll understand. Trust me, I feel the same way. I really appreciate the emails and comments lately wondering where I've been and if I'll be coming back anytime soon. It really touches my heart.
This post is full of honesty. Maybe more honesty than usual because well...you'll see. Just warning you now!
This last time my husband went back to work was particularly difficult for me because the kids were out of school, our routine had been thrown off from his time home, and I really had no time to plan out what was going to take place for us this summer. I've also been going through some personal issues that I'd rather not go into publicly, but suffice it to say that I've been thrown off my game a bit!
And then....And then!
Surprise. What a sweet little addition!
My kids are so excited! I can't wait. Baby is due February 2nd.
As I write this I'm about 14.5 weeks.
I had about two seconds before the reality of the next nine months was about to hit me full force. See...I'm not one of those who is blessed with blissful pregnancies. I don't get a lovely pregnancy glow. Instead I get Hypermesis Gravidarum.
I get continuous, relentless nausea and vomiting for 3/4 of a year. Think of the worst flu you have ever experienced in your whole life, multiply it times 9 whole months, (add in well intentioned opinions from every which way and person you may or may not know/care to hear from), and there you have it. I am miserable. I am grouchy. I have avoided social contact. (Honestly I've been too weak to go anywhere and I look awful and I don't want to offend anyone. Who wants to be around someone that is sick all the time?) In an effort to save everyone else from the nitty-gritty that I've been feeling and going through, I chose to be quiet. I've struggled a lot with how to tell people, what to tell people, how much info is too much, and a million other things that have gone through my mind. Hypermesis is an all encompassing illness, and it makes you feel quite isolated. Most especially when you feel you can't discuss it because it is fairly rare and largely misunderstood even by some closest to the person suffering with it.
That being said....I have bad days, and I have less bad days. The less bad days are usually when I'm recovering from the bad days. I'm trying to be patient with myself and my limitations. It's hard not to feel the pressure to just "get over it", or from the other side that is "aren't you better yet?". I'm trying, boy am I trying. I'd love to be able to concentrate on something other than making it to the bathroom in time, or what I might be able to keep down. (TMI, I know, I'm sorry.) Here is what I will say...I am feeling a little better just being open and "letting it out".
There are a couple of things that I'm going to try to work on for you lovely folks that have emailed me recently, but I continue to ask for your patience as I'm moving slowly. I'll be in and out. I'll do my best, that I promise!
Hoping to share some good stuff with you soon!